It was a cold winter evening just before Christmas when a friend told me how difficult it was for her to forgive someone from her past. We sat together with a cup of tea, and as the candles glowed around us, she talked about how much these old wounds still bothered her. Perhaps you also know this feeling: the pain and disappointment just won't let go. And yet, especially during this quiet, reflective time of year, she felt it was time to take a step – not for the other person, but for herself.

At that moment, an idea occurred to me that has often accompanied me: forgiveness begins with ourselves. And the basis for that is self-love.

Christmas – the season of forgiveness

Christmas is not without reason the time when we pause and reflect on the essentials. It is a time to look back and look ahead. Perhaps it is also an opportunity for you to reflect on what you still carry with you. Are there people you have not yet forgiven? Or perhaps there are things you cannot forgive yourself for? Forgiveness is not just a gift to others – it is above all a gift to yourself.

What does forgiveness really mean?

Forgiveness does not mean that you forget what happened or that you approve of what someone did. It means that you decide to let go of the pain and resentment. Imagine you are carrying a heavy backpack full of stones – every injury, every disappointment is a stone. Forgiveness is finally setting this backpack down. And the best part is: you decide when and how you do it.

Self-love – the key to forgiveness

Let's talk briefly about self-love. It's kind of the basis for everything else. Self-love means accepting yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. It doesn't mean being perfect, but rather showing compassion for yourself. And it's precisely this compassion that transfers to others.

Here are three ways self-love can help you forgive others and yourself:

1. self-love helps you to understand yourself

When you understand yourself better, you often realize why certain hurts have affected you so deeply. Perhaps it's because you're too hard on yourself sometimes. Self-love helps you to be more compassionate, not only to others but also to yourself.

2. self-love gives you the strength to let go

Often we hold on to resentment because we believe it helps us maintain control. But in truth, it feels like holding hot coals. Self-love reminds you that you are worthy of finding peace. And that peace begins when you let go.

3. Self-love makes you freer

By forgiving yourself for your mistakes, you learn that no one is perfect. Not you, not me, not the person who hurt you. This understanding clears the path for true forgiveness.

Buddhism and the Art of Forgiving

In Buddhism, there is the concept of compassion (“karuna”), which always starts with ourselves. Imagine you are a tree. Self-compassion is the water that strengthens your roots. When you take care of yourself, you can also feel compassion for others. As the saying goes, “Holding onto anger is like grabbing a piece of hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone – you're the one who gets burned.”

A small step towards more peace

If you find forgiveness difficult, try this exercise: Imagine you are having a conversation with your past self – perhaps the person who made a mistake. What would you say to them? Would you be as hard on them as you sometimes are on yourself? Or would you perhaps say, “Hey, you did your best. It's okay.”

Forgiveness isn't always easy, but it's worth it. It's an act of self-love that allows you to let go of the baggage of the past. Christmas, with its message of love and compassion, may be just the right moment to start.

Forgiveness starts with you

Maybe today you would like to take a moment and say to yourself: “I am enough. I deserve peace. I am ready to let go.” Because in the end, forgiveness is the most beautiful gift you can give yourself – a gift that brings you ease, joy and inner peace. And isn't that exactly what we want during this special time?

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